Ok guys, so I've been really vocal recently about my depression. And how aware I am of it, and the ways I'm trying to stop it from taking over my life...
But right now the anxiety part of me is going INSANE! Like, I skipped class today. (Don't worry guys, my teachers stream their classes online. So I watched the classes on my computer in real time, just at home.) It wasn't for any good reason. I woke up on time, I showered, got dressed, Buddy was all cooperative and we got out the door fine. His school is right across from mine.
However, anxiety popped in. Since I'm at a tech college the pace of classes is sort of... slow. And I understand that some students need that, so I'm okay with it. But I'm a fidget-er, and a multi-tasker, so what started out as an obsession with highlighting "key subjects" has basically turned into a 5 page coloring book in the back of my notebook, and I turn to it every time the professors go off on tangents or have to re-explain ideas for the millionth time. I honestly thought about bringing a bona-fide coloring book with me, but I thought if my professors noticed they might be pissed.
So I worry that other students think I'm snooty since I'm not compulsively taking notes. (FYI, I read and highlight the chapters ahead of time too, usually. So I come to class with most of the ideas for the day solidified already. Which I should stop doing, but I also worry that I might get behind for some reason, so I want to get as far ahead as possible.)
I also worry because we get in class time to do "exercises", and as usual it takes me literally 1/4 of the time as all the other students to complete the work. I thought I had gotten used to this at my old college, but at least then I could leave when I was finished! And I feel so condescending being finished with everything and just kind of staring off into nowhere...
Anyways, class isn't so bad. But I get so nervous about what all the other students think of me that I can hardly stand to walk into the classroom! And this is week 2. Providing the teachers continue to stream all their classes live on the computer, maybe I'll only have to really show up for tests...
Dear God. Please help me overcome all my crazy-stupid-paranoid-depressed head garbage. And if not, help me find a great doctor or therapist or whatever who can help! Because try as I might, it's not going that well alone.
Dr. Kelly Evans, at Evans Counseling on Stewart Avenue. He worked wonders for my anxiety problems. He's extremely nice, a great listener, and has realistic and effective recommendations for dealing with anxiety/depression.
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