To date? Or...

You know how I have been refusing to date or even contemplate dating anyone for... years now? Because I thought it was important to figure out who I was and what I wanted from life before I tried to decide any of those things with another person?

I think it's time for me to stop refusing men. Not that I'm going to go out looking or anything, because I'm still not desperate for a man/relationship, and I'm still kinda anxious about adding another person to my equation since it's working pretty well currently.

But:

-I kinda wanted to cry about how much the Thenardier's were in love with each other during Les Mis. Which is totally pathetic, because they are evil.

-I feel jealous of my dad.

-I want to broaden my horizons and try new things

-I need to stop being so selfish

-I watched an episode of Parks and Rec where 2 ridiculous people got married, and it made me tear up

I honestly kinda wish I wasn't feeling like this. I really enjoyed feeling all "woman power" and like I didn't have any use for men, I enjoyed making good female friends and not worrying about dating or dealing with relationship drama...

But I am sort of regretting some choices I made with those men. And I'm sort of wanting to maybe date.

If you can't tell, I'm still really "sorta... maybe??" about this... IDK. I'm confused. Whatever. Basically I'm talking to one guy in particular and saying sorry for shooting him down over and over. But also... Again, IDK. I just have no clue what I want to happen next.