Father-Daughter Moments

Man, this entry is going to be so much harder to write than my mom's! I might already be tearing up a little, just thinking about it.

As I'm sure most of you know, my dad is kind of an amazing guy. He has done more for me than I ever deserved, and stood by me while I was horrible to him (and to myself) for way too long. I am so ridiculously lucky to have him for a father!

I remember being little and having a hard time sleeping. He would come in and "paint my face" which meant tracing ever so lightly over my facial features and relaxing me. He would also lay next to me and pretend to fall asleep, which I didn't know was pretend until very recently... hoping that if he showed me how to be calm, I would catch on and be able to sleep as well.

I remember him reading books to me and Dave, using "voices" like we always begged him to. He would read us Boxcar Children, Hardy Boys, Redwall, anything we wanted as we laid on David's bed listening to him.

I remember him taking me to all my piano competitions, and when I got so nervous I wanted to throw up and was shaking he would be there to reassure me and calm me down.

I remember screaming at him while I was running a cross country race and he was cheering me on... he would say "Go Mandy! Keep running!" and I would get so mad because running cross country hurts and CLEARLY he had no idea how hard it was to just keep running. (Cut to my father participating in countless 5Ks and even a triathlon or 2!) 

I remember laying on his bed while trying to figure out what to do when I got pregnant, and having him say quietly "...I would keep him. I would know it was going to be hard, but I would look at our loving family and know I had support and I would keep him." 

I remember him sticking by me through all of my craziness, coming to get me out of jail and rehab, being there for me even as he was so desperately furious with me.

I remember him being there for me through this last year as I fought with anxiety, talking me through anxiety attacks at 5am and helping me get through it all, even picking me up and driving me places when I was convinced that I couldn't leave the house that day.

My father has been there for me for everything in my life. He has sacrificed so much of his life for me, starting when I was small and he would drive me to rehearsals for musicals. Practice was EVERY night, and he would take me every night and even stick around to help build the sets. He has been at every important concert, performance, test, and life event. He gave up a lot of his own life to help me raise my son, and is committed to making my son's life as great as he can. He has been on my side even when I wasn't on my own side. I can never explain how grateful I am that I have a man like him in my life, and never express how much I love him.

Thanks so much Daddy for being amazing!

Shiloh's Blog!

on    Friday night . I went to my grandpo's huws. He pickt me up from scool that day.

We went to the YMCA and plaed sockar. And baskitball. And swiming.

Then we went to McDunld's I plaed for a long  tim .

And wocht "Tarzan and Jane"  but I didn't rilly  want to woch it.

Here is a viteo of me doing yoga!

Thangx for redeing today!

from Shiloh

Mother-Daughter Moments

As a chronic Pinterest-er, I find a lot of links for "10 things mothers should do with their daughters" and I think they are overly sappy and totally dramatic.

And it got me thinking of moments with my mom that I will treasure forever. I tend to dwell on less lovely memories, and that is no good for any of us.

I remember the summer before 6th grade, I was just hitting puberty. I had started wanting to dress more 'mature', but was really embarrassed about it. My mom took me into the Deb (the coolest place to shop at the time) and helped me pick out a pair of tiny plaid shorts with a black mock-turtleneck tank top, and also bought me some item of clothing that was cheetah print. What I remember about the shopping trip was trying on clothes that I desperately wanted but felt a little bit scared of, and having my mom reassure me and make me feel good about my body.

I remember she did the same with a blue tie-dye swimsuit the same year. And because she said I looked really good in it, I felt amazing every time I wore it. I actually remember the exact words she said, which were "There are no other people except 12 year old girls who look good in boy shorts. So flaunt them while you can!" And I did :)

I remember being in church next to my mom and trying to sing the hymn for the first time. She was so proud as I followed along in her hymnal, and when I looked up she was tearing up. After that I knew I wanted to sing forever.

I remember telling my mom I was pregnant, and being absolutely terrified. She was wonderful. She hugged me, she said congratulations, and she was very calm (at least outwardly) as she helped me deal with what came next.

I remember my mom letting me straighten her hair. And it turning into a giant ridiculous frizz ball. And instead of her being mad that I had made her look silly, she just laughed.

There are lots of "I remember" stories. And I think I need to remember them more often.

Stay tuned next week, when I will do "I remember" for my dad!

Winter!

I've been a blog slacker for a while now, haven't I? I always feel like I should apologize that it's been so long since I posted, but at this point it's obvious that I'm never going to get back into the 2-3 posts a week schedule I used to have.

Anyway, winter finally came to Wisconsin!

How We Named Our Son...

Working at the Boys and Girls Club means I am constantly meeting new kids/teens who are sometimes totally enamored of my life. They want to know everything about me, and once I mention I have a child they also want to know everything about him!

Once I tell them his name is Shiloh, they immediately want to know "Like the book/movie about the dog?" or for the more pop culture aware "Like Angelina Jolie's daughter that she dresses like a boy?"

So, just to set the record straight, because I have explained this too many times:

• Shiloh comes from the Hebrew "shalom", so the name means peace. That is basically why we chose it.
• Yes, it's ironic that there was a bloody battle at a town called Shiloh
• No, it's not a made-up name. It's in the old testament of the Bible.
• No it is not a "traditional indian name". I don't even know where you came up with that.
• No it's not a girl name. It could maybe be unisex, but it was used mostly for males in the past.
• Yes I am aware that there is a movie about a cute dog named Shiloh. Actually, it was a book first. Yes, it was a good book, but no we did not name our son after a dog.

This may sound like a scolding post. When thinking of names for my unborn child, I really tried to pick one that wasn't too "out there" but since I've gotten tons of grief for it anyway, my next child is going to be named Joe. Or Mary. Most normal names EVER!

Have you gotten any grief for the names you chose for your children? How do you deal?

Sledding!

Buddy got a sled for Christmas, and has been begging me to find a time to use it! Well, since he goes to school all day and I work until 7pm, (plus he has just happened to be at his dad's the last 2 weekends in a row) we didn't get a chance to try it out until this week.

We went to my grandpa's house to sled in his backyard, since he has an awesome hill and I didn't feel like dealing with people at other public hills. (Plus, he's a fantastic cook and I was kind of hoping I could score a meal...)

Anyway, my friend Amber met us there and we had a good time breaking in the new sled!

Facewash!

Can you tell he was excited?

To date? Or...

You know how I have been refusing to date or even contemplate dating anyone for... years now? Because I thought it was important to figure out who I was and what I wanted from life before I tried to decide any of those things with another person?

I think it's time for me to stop refusing men. Not that I'm going to go out looking or anything, because I'm still not desperate for a man/relationship, and I'm still kinda anxious about adding another person to my equation since it's working pretty well currently.

But:

-I kinda wanted to cry about how much the Thenardier's were in love with each other during Les Mis. Which is totally pathetic, because they are evil.

-I feel jealous of my dad.

-I want to broaden my horizons and try new things

-I need to stop being so selfish

-I watched an episode of Parks and Rec where 2 ridiculous people got married, and it made me tear up

I honestly kinda wish I wasn't feeling like this. I really enjoyed feeling all "woman power" and like I didn't have any use for men, I enjoyed making good female friends and not worrying about dating or dealing with relationship drama...

But I am sort of regretting some choices I made with those men. And I'm sort of wanting to maybe date.

If you can't tell, I'm still really "sorta... maybe??" about this... IDK. I'm confused. Whatever. Basically I'm talking to one guy in particular and saying sorry for shooting him down over and over. But also... Again, IDK. I just have no clue what I want to happen next.