On Death and Dying.

I don't actually have anything to update today. My best friend Molly's mom died yesterday. She was an amazing person. She was there for me in tough times when I didn't have any other adult women to turn to. She thought of me as a second daughter, and I knew she was another mother to me.

Dealing with death is such a tricky thing. I want to get together with everyone who knew her, and talk about how awesome she was, and remember all the good things. But more important right now is to support Molly and her family, and I am not quite sure how to do that. I love them all and want to help, but also don't want to smother them or be a nuisance.

Anyway, it's been a rough few days. I know that Connie is in heaven now, and as Buddy says "I bet she found some little kids up there and is teaching them how to read!" (she's a first grade teacher). I hope that I can find the best ways to support her family, and that we all heal.

I love you Connie. So many people love you. And we will miss you.

I Love Drama.

So, once or twice a year, one of my old professors takes a group of students from her college on a field trip to see some amazing theatre. And even though I haven't actually been a student of hers in a long time, she always invites me along, and I always jump at the chance to go with!
Last spring I wrote this post about the shows I went to and my experience, and I figured I'd stick with the tradition :)

So this year we again went to Milwaukee for our "fine art adventure". First we stopped at the Milwaukee Art Museum, where there was an Impressionist exhibit showing. Although I have to admit - even though it means I'm an uncultured hooligan - I didn't really enjoy that exhibit much. I liked much better the modern art, which was sometimes weird and nonsensical, but always amusing! Even if I didn't understand it, it made me laugh or think... rather than go "oh look, another pretty naked girl". Anyway, I'm uncouth.

Next on the agenda was The Rep, otherwise known as the Milwaukee Repertory Theatre. And this time around, we saw a musical called Next to Normal, which I knew almost nothing about. I heard it was a musical about mental illness, and I chose not to find out anymore information so that I would be moved and surprised when I saw it.

So, it turns out that Next to Normal is about a woman who suffers from bipolar disorder that verges on schizophrenia and how she tries to cope with it. But more moving than her story, I thought, was the story of her family and how the disease affects them in different ways. The most moving part was how even though they all loved each other, they were all being hurt and all spiraling horribly out of control, because the disease took over each of their lives.

I'm not sure how much you readers know about my life, but a lot of this hit really close to home for me, especially the storyline about the daughter who felt neglected and then turned to drugs for comfort.

Needless to say, I sobbed through parts of the first act, and almost ALL of the second act. It was a healthy cry though, and we all came out of the theatre wanting to talk about how mental illness or other "shameful" illnesses had affected our families.

Anyway, it was a fabulous time, and a very good reward for me finishing up the semester, and now I'm exhausted and ready to go to bed! Goodnight everyone :) 

This is Halloween!

So, I went to Madison for FreakFest this year, which is something I've never done before! And honestly, I probably wouldn't do it again, I didn't enjoy State Street and Madison is stressful. However, I got to hang out with some amazing friends that I haven't been able to really spend time with in a long time, and that part was a blast!

The boys, as followers of the cult of Zoltan!

Me and Shane, my oldest friend! We've known each other since Kindergarten :)

On Sunday, I drove back from Madison with Shane, then immediately got into my own car and ran out to pick up Buddy from his dad's house, and hour away. So, total driving time on Sunday? 5 hours. Lovely.

But then I got to take Buddy trick-or-treating! He went as a mummy, his grandma made his costume and he looked great! We got so many compliments while we were out, it seems like no one takes the time to make costumes any more so ours was appreciated :)

He also got to go trick-or-treating again tonight while his grandma watched him (I had to work), so we have 2 huge buckets full of candy to enjoy! 

Next on the agenda for the week: Buddy's birthday! It's on Thursday, and then this weekend we are taking his twofer Payton and my cousin Korrin to an indoor waterpark for a sleepover/small birthday party! This is all we can handle, after the crazy month we've had there was no way I was going to throw a full blown party.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to things starting to calm down, get more manageable. There have been so many fun things in the last few weeks, but also so much stress that I can't wait to get back into a ruitine in my life!

Just like Animal House!

Yet again, I'm painfully behind on posting!
Anyway, all last week Shiloh was with his father, spending some last minute time together before we all go back to school and there is considerably less free time for all of us. So I got to have some fun!
I did a girly shopping trip with my cousins, Korrin is getting married so we got stuff for her bridal shower/bachelorette party. The bachelorette party was toga-themed, so we ended up spending about 12 hours that day making our (amazing) togas!
A little later that week, I got to go out with some friends I hardly ever get to see. It was crazy fun, I went to Stevens Point and just hung out in a way I haven't done forever.

But for sure, the crowning achievement of the week was the bachelorette party. Check out this outfit!

I know, you can't see it all that well. And I have hardly any pictures of it. Lame. Still, just imagine the awesomeness!

We started at Applebee's, went to a few bars, and had a great time. I had to work in the morning so I didn't get to party-crazy, but Korrin definitely made up for me :)

It was a great time. And after all the effort I put into the toga, it's totally being reused for Halloween!

Mommy days :(

Just so you all know, I'm going insane. I haven't seen my Buddy since last Friday, and that is way too long! Ok, I know he's at his grandparents cottage with his dad and all, and he's having a great time and I'm sure not even missing me at all. But I'm going nuts! I thought I would really enjoy having time to spend with friends, and I have gone out and about and seen some people that I really wanted to catch up with, but...

I need my sweet boy to come jump up on my lap and give me a spur-of-the-moment kiss, "just cuz I love you, Mama". 

I need to play silly word games and have ridiculous-insult contests! "Buddy, you goofy-head! "Mama, you're a... a... shoe head!" "Oh yeah? Well you're a bike head!"

I need to give my sweaty, sleeping boy a kiss on the forehead and sing him "I'll love you forever", which he never believes I do since he's always hardcore asleep :)

I need to go outside and play "pirate ship" with our patio, I even promise I'll be the shark without complaining this time!

I miss my Buddy.

Eastbay

One of the things that really stinks about being a nontraditional parent is that money is always an issue. Generally the college years are poor years for everyone, but for a parent trying to support a child the expenses are more than twice as large. You need to get a bigger apartment, in a nicer neighborhood. You need to pay for a good daycare. You need to make sure your child has opportunities to do things they are interested in.

Anyway, as someone with no college degree (yet) who has to work around a complicated schedule, you can obviously see that it's tough to find a decent job. Especially in this job market. It used to be that I could usually find work at daycares, they were always looking for part-time people to fill in for awkward hours. But since I was part-time, I never worried about getting a lot of training and now it turns out that after working in child care for 3 years I'm actually not qualified for anything.

Last semester when I didn't go to school, I took a call center job. I called people who were in danger of foreclosure on their mortgages. It was hell. I was so relieved when I found a way to get back to school and could leave that job. I assumed I could find a part-time job that would help me out, and with financial aid and an amazing college fund (thanks parents!!) I would be able to make it, even though things would be tight.

Umm, except I couldn't find a part-time job. I looked. I applied for 2 or 3 jobs per week, and I wasn't picky. I'm really lucky, because my dad is an amazing guy. When I fell short, I knew I could call my father. He wants the best for Buddy too, so he helps us out when we need it. Still, I feel incredibly guilty every time I need to make that phone call.

So finally, I found a job. It's another call center job. I'm working at Eastbay, which is a sporting goods company. (It's a branch of Footlocker.) I get a job that's a little bit above entry level, which means that instead of taking orders for shoes I will be calling customers who are being accused of fraud. Awesome. Another miserable job where I call people who will yell at me for 8 hours a day.

This one pays almost a dollar less per hour than the last one. But I need the job. I just have to keep persevering until I finish college and can take care of my child without hating what I have to do for the money.

The Theatre

Yesterday, Mama went on a 'field trip' with the drama club from college.
We saw 2 amazing shows at the Milwaukee Repertory Theatre, and it was so much fun! Sometimes I need a little reminder that there are still things that fill me with joy, and although I have been neglecting it withing the last few years theatre will always be one of those things.

First, we saw Death of A Salesman, then Bomb-itty of Errors.


It was an interesting combination of shows, Death of a Salesman being a famous serious play while Bomb-itty is a hip-hop spoof of Shakespeare. And I really didn't expect to like the spoof at all. But it was hilarious!

Death of a Salesman will always hold a special place in my heart, since it was the first straight play I ever did. It was the first time that I recognized how powerful drama can be, and I will always love it. It is a story about a salesman who has fought for the American dream his whole life, but never achieved it. He is slowly falling apart, and so is the life he worked so hard to build for his family. For those of you who have never seen it, if you get the opportunity you should GO!

Bomb-itty was much more clever than I expected. It was a spoof of Shakespeare's 'A Comedy of Errors' which is about 2 sets of twins who were separated at birth. When their paths cross as adults, I'm sure you can imagine that hilarity ensues. It's a case of mistaken identity, plus Shakespeare, plus rap, plus cross-dressing (there were 4 male actors who played every part in the show, including hookers and pink gorillas). It was not a show I anticipated enjoying, since I don't usually enjoy hip-hop and I feel like spoofs on Shakespeare have been done to death. But this was done well, and it was good to lighten up after a show that ends (predictably) in the death of the main character.

Anyway, I had a blast, I love theatre, that's all!

I'll Stop Procrastinating... Tomorrow.

Today, I had 2 exams for school. In a row. One for Calc 3, and one for Conservation.
Not the best timing, but I can handle it, right?

Except I did my typical thing, and didn't REALLY start to study until yesterday morning! I kept thinking "Oh, I still have 3 days. Oh, I still have 2 days, Oh, I still have 36 hours..."

Then 9 am yesterday morning came. And I actually started to study, rather than just skimming through the homework. And I panicked! I realized I was not ready, at all. I immediately dropped all other plans and settled down for 24 hours of studying.


My tests went fine, of course. They usually do, once I buckle down. I just wish I could manage to get prepared in advance, rather than just cramming at the last minute!


Anyway, that's why I don't have any witty stories or cute pictures of Buddy. I'm hoping to do something fun with him for Earth Day tomorrow though, so expect something then!