Sick :(

Ugh, this has been a miserable week. I've been really sick, with body aches, stomach pain, and a fever. It really sucks being sick as a single mom, because there is no one else to pick up the slack!

I want to lay in bed and sleep, but Buddy needs to get fed. I want to just watch TV and whine, but Buddy needs to go outside and play. It hurts to move, but Buddy needs help washing his hair. It hurts to drive, but Buddy needs to get to school. I'm feeling so tired and crabby that I keep bursting into tears, but regardless of how I feel things still need to get done. A cold lunch won't pack itself, even if I have a temperature.

Anyway, it's been a horrible few days. And I have a test today, so I need to somehow suck it up (probably with the help of a lot of Tylenol) and get to class!

In other news, it looks like I'm going to have a new job! I should hear officially tomorrow, but I've been in the process of becoming a Youth Coordinator for the Boys and Girls Club. That job will start next week, and I'm really looking forward to finally having a job that I actually want, rather than just one that pays the bills. I'll keep everyone updated, but the last step is just a background check and reference check, and I'm assuming that will all go fine :)

Splurge :)

My two new favorite things from this weekend: 

The amazing new necklace my dad bought me at the art fest!

Donkey Kong for the Wii. Amazing!

My life is now complete :)

My Son, the Therapist

Today was a rough day. I'm not sure why, it seemed like everything that I had been worrying about all of a sudden fell on top of me and I just froze. It was how I used to feel back before I went through counseling, and took medicine, and did all sorts of things to learn how to deal with depression.
Well, it hit hard today, just for an hour or so, I'm pretty sure it happens to everyone. But I was worrying about a thousand things, feeling completely lost and miserable, and finally I had to go into my room and sob with the door closed.

After a few minutes, Buddy started to ask "what's wrong?"

I tried to get my composure back but it just wouldn't come. I quickly heard little footsteps, and my baby climbed onto my bed with me. He put his arms around me, said "It's gonna be OK, momma" and 'painted' my face with his hands, which is a thing I do for him when he gets overly stressed. I explained that sometimes Mommy just needs a minute to have feelings, and she was feeling sad right now.

He was completely calm, snuggled with me, and then said "Now momma, we're going shopping. Stop crying on my shirt."

And I did, we wrestled and played around for a little bit and then bought him the 2 sizes larger jeans he's needed for a month or so now!
Anyway, it's not his job to take care of his momma. But it's wonderful that he did this one time.

Our Late Evening

This happened yesterday:

It's way too late at night (I've been watching Fringe again), and I walk into Buddy's room to kiss him goodnight. I say "I love you, my baby!"
He says "I can't figure out what to do with the dish-pool!" (very upset)
I say "what dish-pool, honey?"
He says "the one the pirates are in. I might drive a ship against them, but it's like an adventure and I didn't decide yet."
I say "what's a dish-pool anyway?" (really interested in how kid's dreams go)
He says "a pool that's almost small enough for a baby to swim in!"
He then rolls over, puts the blanket over his head, and falls back into a dead sleep. I can't get anything else out of him.

I wish I still had dreams of pirate ships and such!

Finally Alone!

So, basically since I moved in to the new place, I've been bombarded with visitors. Which is great, and makes me feel loved and like I have some good friends... But also I need my alone time!

I've had at least 2 people stop by a day to see the new place. I also had some family staying with me all weekend, a friend stay with me for about half a day until he could get a ride somewhere else, and just... in general NO alone time.

Plus, this is the first real weeks of the new schedule for Buddy. He now goes to his dad's house every other weekend for 2 days, rather than every week Monday/Tuesday. And I'm loving the extra time, and the chance for  more stability for my kid, but I also am having to adjust to having even less time alone, even less time to try to be my own person. I think it's all going to be for the best and I'll get used to it quickly, but... for right now it's kind of a trial.

Anyway, all my visitors are gone now, and I'm really enjoying sitting around watching bad tv and reading (and blogging, of course) and I'm enjoying my alone time!

We're All Family

This is another wedding weekend for the Burgess clan, this time for my cousin/good friend (two-fer, as our kids say... as in two-fer-one) who I'm super excited for. I don't know how much I've spoke about her on here, because I try to leave other people out of my blog in case they don't want their lives potentially out on the internet.

But without saying too much, she has found a wonderful man after getting through some really tough times, and thinking about her marriage makes me leak love-tears quite often :)

It's frustrating though, because some parts of my family are much more loving and accepting than others. So getting everyone together ends up making me feel pressured, and "not good enough", and like somehow the significant (at least to me) progress I've made in my life doesn't count unless I've finished school, gotten a full time job, gotten married, and bought a house.

Which is ridiculous! Here I am proud of the way I'm succeeding in my new program at school, the new apartment that is perfect for Shiloh and I, the fact that for the first time in a long time I'm not just searching for any guy who will have me and instead waiting for the right time (and person) for me.

But, none like your family to make you feel all at once judged and loved!

My Baby's not a Baby!

This morning, I dropped Buddy off for his first day of school! He was so excited, he wanted to look extra handsome for his first day. So:

He made sure to be cleanly shaved, no stubble for the first day!

He combed his hair to "look like Grandpa's"

He wore one of his "church shirts" and would have worn dressy pants too if I hadn't talked him out of it!

He was goofy, since he was so excited!

And he left me! For his first day of 4K!

I'm not sure whether I'm happy, or sad, or anxious, or excited. But I'm sure proud that my baby is growing up!