You know what I'm slowly realizing? I'm lonely.
I honestly haven't known that was what I was feeling. I've been trying to keep busy working, and planning things with my son, and even meeting with my past friends, when everything lines up right.
But what I find when I finally slow down? Not much. Now, I don't want to sound ungrateful. My mom will gossip with me for hours a day, and I really enjoy it! Having a gal-pal/mother is pretty awesome, because you can be silly, dirty, naughty, and yet also cry and ask for grown-up advice when you need it. And it all comes in one package.
And if anyone can't tell from reading this, my dad has basically saved my life, and my ass. Over and over again. And will always be there to watch the dorky movies I don't want to invite friends to, and to help me out in a pinch, and get in really obnoxious and yet ridiculously fun arguments...
But still. I can count on 1 hand the number of close friends I have, and even then we're not that close anymore.
Ugh. There is a point in time when you start meeting people who are at the same place in life as you are, right?
I am keeping hope for NTC this fall, that the program will have lots of people who are motivated and have real lives already.
But until then, man is it lonely.
P.S. - I titled this post, then started singing the song in my head and realized that "happiness" is a warm gun, not "loneliness"! Anyway, George Harrison is a genius regardless and I like the song, so I'm not changing it :)